Teens & Resiliency
Today started as any other school day used to in 2019. My teenagers came into the room complaining about having to go to school. It was wonderful. And, while they really did not appreciate my reframing of their complaints and continued with the age old frustrations that school was boring. I reveled in having these conversations again. It felt…normal.
Generally, over the past month, local school districts have attempted to open up a little more and allow students to return to onsite instruction with some restrictions and reduction of freedom. For teenagers (middle school and high school), this means they are attending in person, at a minimum, approximately two days per week and required to do at least one day a week in online courses.
Socially, it is hoped this new opportunity will sufficiently reduce the isolation and anxiety experienced by those teenagers who were told to leave school around March 15, 2020 and have not yet returned.
When I question my own kids and clients what they enjoy most about being back in school, the answer was universally, “seeing people.” Although, in the same response, they also report continued frustration with not being able to return to their routines and traditions, such as chatting during passing periods and having lunches together in common areas.
We have asked a lot of our young people this past year. We asked for their willingness and flexibility to reduce their social needs and desires. Now we ask for their strength and resiliency to return to school after their social “calluses” have softened from lack of use. They have suffered persistent little losses. A“death by a thousand cuts” of their old lives and beliefs, yet we ask them to have faith it will feel better soon.
As parents of this age group, it is important to make sure their fears, worries or disappointments are “seen and heard” by us. While it is a good thing to tell them they can do it and they should be thankful, it is also important we let them know how hard, weird and “abnormal” it all still is.
Attached is a list of things kids of this age group want you to know. When my children were entering the dreaded middle school years, I would read these statements (sometimes daily) before interacting with them. It was an attempt to be kind to them. It worked, if only to allow me to smile at them for 30 seconds before we were at it again.
