My child just disclosed abuse.

How you react–and what you say–can impact a child’s recovery from abuse. Stay calm. Listen. Believe them. And report the abuse immediately.

Stay calm.

Learning that a child has been abused is naturally distressing. But your child will be less likely to talk about their experience if they see their words are upsetting you. Stay calm. Be present for your child. Put your emotions aside for the moment.

Listen and affirm.

Listen if your child wants to talk about what happened—but don’t ask them a lot of questions. You can say, “Tell me more about that,” ask “What happened next?” or say, “Is there anything else you want to tell me about?” Let your child know you’re listening and interested in what they have to say.

If your child does talk, let them know you’re glad they’ve talked with you. Tell them you believe them. Be sure to tell your child they’re not in trouble, and what happened is not their fault. Tell your child that you will do what you can to keep them safe and get them the help they need. Do not make any promises. Provide hugs and kisses if your child seeks them out.

Report immediately.

It’s crucial that you report a child’s disclosure of abuse immediately. Call the Oregon Child Abuse Hotline at 855-503-SAFE(7233) or call 911 to reach your local law enforcement.

Don’t pressure.

Don’t pressure your child if they don’t want to talk. Just let them know you’re willing to listen when they do want to talk.

Respect their privacy.

Respect the privacy of your child. Find a place where they can talk to you without others listening. Only tell people who really need to know what your child has said. Help your child identify other people they can talk to about their feelings or experiences (such as a therapist, friend, or family member).

Eliminate surprises.

Focus on creating a daily routine and make sure your child knows what to expect. Let your child know ahead of time if there will be something new or different about their day. Changes, surprises, and not knowing what to expect next can make your child more anxious, fearful, aggressive, or overly active. This is typical for children who have experienced abuse. So do your best to keep each day predictable.

Watch your child’s behaviors.

Children often act out their abuse in their play, drawings, and behaviors. You may also see them being withdrawn, daydreaming, having sleep problems, becoming clingy, or misbehaving. Talk with them about what you see, and don’t be afraid to set clear rules.

Talk about safe touch.

Teach your child about safe touch. Teach them common names for the private parts of their bodies, so that if your child talks to someone else about something that happened, your child will be understood. Talk about secrets, and what kinds of things shouldn’t be kept secret.

Seek out counseling.

Consider getting counseling for your child, and for yourself. We know that child abuse can have lasting effects on a child’s mental health and physical health. But we also know that children who receive counseling after abuse can better process their trauma and thrive.