Day 12: Minimizing Opportunities
Safe & Sound is a free 21-day program to help parents, grandparents and caregivers protect children from abuse. Developed by Oregon Child Advocacy Centers, this Safe & Sound program for Central Oregon is brought to you by KIDS Center in collaboration with Protect Our Children.
Welcome to Day 12 of Safe & Sound!
Yesterday, we talked about the facts of child sexual abuse. If you found those statistics depressing, take heart. Today, we’re looking at steps we can take to prevent sexual abuse by minimizing opportunities..
How to minimize opportunities for abuse.
We learned yesterday that more than 80% of the time, sexual abuse occurs away from watchful eyes. To minimize opportunities for abuse, we need to look for secluded spaces, set rules, and have a ready response when rules are broken.
Looking for secluded spaces.
Secluded spaces can offer opportunities for abuse. And there are typically lots of secluded spaces at home, because homes are designed for privacy. Your bathroom and bedroom doors may have locks. You might have multiple closets. You may even have separate floors, a basement, a storage shed, accessory dwelling unit (ADU), or a shop. The first step to minimizing abuse at home is identifying these “blind spots.”
Setting rules to reduce risk.
You can address these blind spots through house rules. Rules can vary from, “You need to keep your door ajar when someone else is in your room,” to “You must be in a public space (like the living room) when you have a friend over” or “You and your cousin can’t hang out in the shop.” The rules can and will vary from family to family and house to house. The point is to minimize opportunities for uncomfortable, unsafe, or inappropriate situations to occur.
How to respond when rules are broken.
Suppose you have a house rule that your child can’t play in the bonus room with only one adult at a family get-together. If you see this rule being broken, address the situation using the following steps:
Describe the behavior. “Hey [insert adult’s name], I see that you are taking [child’s name] into the bonus room and no one is there.”
Set a limit. “We have a rule that there has to either be more than one kid or more than one adult in the bonus room during family get togethers.”
Move on. “[Child’s name], why don’t we head back to the living room and start a game.”
When someone breaks a rule (either a house rule or a personal boundary), make sure you address the adult or the older youth involved. This keeps your child from feeling as if it’s their fault. By following the above steps, you’re not drawing attention to the matter in a way that assigns blame or suspicion. However, if you notice that rules continue to be broken by the same individual, especially after being redirected and told to stop, then you have reasonable suspicion to make a report. We will talk more about reporting on Day 15.
Today’s Activity:
Play the “What if” game. This game is appropriate for all ages (although questions can differ). Think of some scenarios where an adult or an older youth might be crossing some situational boundaries. Use the steps of describing the behavior, setting a limit, and moving on to practice how you or your child would address the situation. Learn more about the “What if” game.
Think of other spaces. Because children don’t spend all of their time at home, we need to be aware of secluded spaces in other locations. Think about schools, friend’s houses, gyms, parks, pools, and other places your children visit. Our Darkness to Light: Stewards of Children training can help you address secluded spaces and risky situations outside of the home.
That’s it for Day 12! See you tomorrow!
More ways to participate in Safe & Sound:
Visit the 2024 Safe & Sound page and catch up on daily activities.