Day 13: The Power of Secrets
Safe & Sound is a free 21-day program to help parents, grandparents and caregivers protect children from abuse. Developed by Oregon Child Advocacy Centers, this Safe & Sound program for Central Oregon is brought to you by KIDS Center in collaboration with Protect Our Children.
Welcome to Day 13 of Safe & Sound!
Today we’re going to look at one of the key tactics abusers use. We’re also going to share how you can help safeguard your kids against it.
We’re talking about secrets.
Offenders use many tactics, including blame, shame, persistence, and manipulation. But secrecy is the main tactic an offender uses to initiate and continue the cycle of abuse with a child. Secrecy keeps abuse from coming to the attention of others.
The more we talk about abuse—at home and at school—the harder it will be for offenders to hide their actions in the dark.
So what can you do?
Talk about secrets with your child.
Offenders often press children to keep manipulation and/or abuse secret. Talk to your child about secrets. Explain secrets shouldn’t be kept, especially if the secret makes them (or a friend) feel scared or uncomfortable. Give your child permission to break a secret or confidence in order to keep themself or their friends safe.
Ask your child to name safe adults.
Children need to have healthy relationships with adults both inside and outside the family. Help your child identify safe and trusted adults outside the family. Make sure your child has someone they can talk to and go to for support if you are not with them.
Talk to your child’s trusted adults.
After your child has identified their safe and trusted adults, go and have a conversation with those individuals. Let them know that your child sees them as someone they can talk to. Discuss boundaries, so these adults understand what needs to be shared with you as the parent/caregiver and what can be kept in confidence.
Today’s Activity and Conversation Starters
For younger kids: Download this quick worksheet for your child to complete. Talk about their answers and answer any questions they have about secrets.
For older kids: Go for a drive. Often the best place to hold an awkward or uncomfortable conversation is in the car, where there is less eye contact and there’s also less pressure to keep a steady flow of conversation. Strike up a conversation that goes beyond how their day at school was. Let them know that even though they want more privacy, you are always there if they want to talk. Don’t put any limits on the topics. If you have a story about how a secret affected your life, SHARE IT! And then….go get some ice cream!
Conversations Starters
Elementary School Kids
Can you think of something that might happen there that would make your uh-oh feeling go off?
How about if older kids showed up and started playing a game that doesn’t feel right?
Middle School Kids
What if a friend told you that a parent of one of their teammates was pressuring him/her/them to spend time at their house? How could you help?
High School Kids
What if you showed up at a party and your gut instinct told you things were getting out of control?
That’s it for Day 13! See you tomorrow.
More ways to participate in Safe & Sound:
Visit the 2024 Safe & Sound page and catch up on daily activities.